Married life so far

In the months since marriage Brian and I have settled into life together.  It’s really nice living together and not having to have one of us go home at the end of the night.  People always ask us, “How’s married life?” and to me that is such a hard question to answer.  In some ways it feels the same as dating did- only now we live together.  We still hang out and do the same things and laugh at the same jokes.  We still go to work every day and lament the fact that we still haven’t found a way to become independently wealthy so we can quit our jobs. Sometimes it just feels completely normal and like it wasn’t a huge change. 

But on the other hand there is a new sense of intimacy that we have.  It’s not just physical, although I’m sure that plays into it.  The biggest thing for me though is the combination of all the small things.  The intimacy in having someone know your humor, all of your little quirks, and someone who anticipates your wants and needs is very reassuring.  We have habits we have formed in our life together that happened without thinking.  For instance, I can climb into bed with him after a long day and know that he will allow me to heat up my cold feet on his warm legs.  Then we will fall asleep quizzing one another on world capitals.  It’s kind of quirky and that’s just one example, but there are hundreds of little things that we do that are just ours.  And that is really special to me.  We have silly dances that we do to the theme song of Friends, we say certain words in an accent to make each other laugh, and we argue over the names of our future kids on long car rides.

We’ve had a busy first few months because we got married right before the holidays.  We traveled 8 of the first 15 weekends of our marriage so that has kept us on our toes.  We read this marriage book while we were engaged that advised newlywed couples to spend a lot of time at home together during your first year so that you can form new family rhythms and not always be surrounded by other people who will determine your rhythms.  It sounded like nice advice, but in reality we enjoy the fact that we have the time to travel.  And we happen to have a lot of friends and family who aren’t in the area, so why would we turn down the opportunity to see them for the sake of sitting at home watching How I Met Your Mother on DVD?  So we decided our rhythm as a couple involves taking trips together as often as the opportunity presents itself, because we know there is only a small window in life where you can really do that. 

Overall, being married is just really nice.  I think my favorite thing about being married is not being engaged anymore.  It’s not that I didn’t enjoy our engagement, but being married is so much better.  There is no wedding stress and less outside opinions being offered to us.  I enjoyed planning our wedding but I’m glad I don’t ever have to do that again.  Although I will say our wedding was the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.  My opinion of the event is quite obviously biased, but there is no better feeling than having everyone you love from all walks of your life in one room at the same time having a party.  It turned out exactly how I pictured it. 

So, those are some of my disjointed thoughts on married life so far and my attempt to update this blog J.  Hope you enjoyed.

My Fiance

I am getting married one month from tomorrow!  I’m so excited and so ready.  I’m completely disenchanted with all the details of the wedding and just am just ready to be married to Brian.

I don’t think I’ve ever taken the opportunity to publicly brag about him on here so I think it’s about time for me to write a blog post about how awesome he is.

·         The first thing that struck me about Brian is that he pursued me.  He didn’t play any weird games; I never had to guess if he was feeling one way or another.  He was always open and direct with me about how he felt and what his intentions were.   

·         I love that I am completely comfortable being myself around Brian. We have so much fun being silly together and laughing at things that wouldn’t be funny to anyone else but us.  I love that over the course of our relationship we have formed our own brand of weird… that just keeps getting weirder as time goes on.

·         Brian is committed to his faith, and committed to making that a part of our marriage and family.  He seeks out counsel from other godly men and is always willing to find new ways for us to grow together spiritually.

·         I love that Brian is honest- almost to a fault. He plans surprises for me, then gets really excited about them and tells me about it before he executes the surprise.  It’s really endearing.  In all seriousness though I know I never have to worry about him keeping anything from me or telling me any half-truths. 

·         Brian and I are both fairly independent, which is my nice way saying that we’re stubborn.  This has led to a few rather frustrating arguments.  However, Brian does this thing where mid-argument, he reminds me of his love and commitment to me.  It’s really sweet and kind of frustrating.  I’ll be fuming mad or crying or some other sort of explosive emotion, and he will remind me that from the moment he said he loved me for the first time that he had resolved that he was committed to me for life.  And no matter what the issue is that we’re hung up on, there is nothing that will change his love.  He assures me that we’re going to figure it out and be better for it because we’re in this thing for the rest of our lives.  It’s really reassuring and disarming and makes it hard to remain too angry at him.

·         He does lots of little things to show he cares.  He sneaks into my apartment when I’m not there and leaves me cute little notes; he gives me flowers and always finds a creative way to do it- like sending them to my office or leaving them on my porch. He sends me silly texts and makes me laugh when I’m in boring meetings at work, and cooks me dinner when I’ve had a stressful day.

·         I’ll end this entry on a shallow note.  My fiancé is a hottie.  For real.  He looks awesome shirtless.

I could go on… there really are endless reasons why I love this man.  I’m so grateful that God brought us together and I have the rest of my life to find more reasons to love him.

Story of my Life

Until further notice, I officially give up on trying to control my hair. Rainy summer days do not agree with me. 

Although this photo (of a dog? guinea pig? your guess is as good as mine) is completely cheesy, I can relate.

9.28.13

Yesterday, I purchased some coffee creamer that expires on my wedding date.  This purchase invoked two emotions within me.  The first? Excitement!  The second? Suspicion. 

I’m excited that my wedding date is close enough that it’s showing up on dairy products. However, I’m simultaneously suspicious of any dairy product that has a shelf life of 2.75 months.

 

I leave you with mine and Brian’s text message exchange from last night.

 

My Bridesmaids!

Since I’m getting married three months from today and am having trouble containing my excitement at the moment, I thought I’d take an opportunity to introduce you to my bridesmaids.                

 Name: Savannah Wesley- Matron of honor

How we met: Our sorority in college

Notable friendship moments: Savannah and I didn’t hit it off right away, but our friendship solidified when we were both caught drinking underage on campus our junior year of college.  We had to complete 25 community services hours.  Being irresponsible together and paying the consequences is a sure fire way to form an inseparable bond!

Don’t let that first example give you the wrong impression though!  Savannah is one of the most mature and responsible people that I know.  She’s been one of the biggest sources of spiritual encouragement in my life and I wouldn’t have made it through the ups and downs of college (and post college) without her.  I had the opportunity to be her maid of honor a year ago, and I’m so excited that she will be standing up with me on my wedding day.

Interesting Facts: Savannah loves cows and things that are purple.  She recently had the most adorable baby boy named Jeremiah.

 Name: Whitney Perry

How we met: 6^th Grade at CCS

Notable friendship moments:  We have so many!  My favorites would include being mistaken for each other for half our lives (we’re pictured above dressed as the Olsen twins for Halloween one year), naming all the appliances in our freshman dorm room, and thousands of  inside jokes and random quirks(ie: Whitney has a special dance she made up that she performs whenever we eat pizza- it’s a must-see).  Also, Whitney and I got engaged the same night as I did- completely unplanned but kind of cool and ironic since we’ve been (as we say) “the same person” all our lives.

Interesting facts: Whitney prefers three-pronged forks to the standard four-prong.

Whitney is quite possibly the most reliable person I know.  If she says she’s going to be somewhere or do something you can count on her to get it done and go above and beyond. 

 Name: Alyssa Shumaker

 

How we met: Our sorority in college

Notable friendship moments: Alyssa and I lived together for a while in college and since we are both from Ohio, we have shared many long drives from Ohio to Tennessee.  Alyssa and I do this thing where I ask her to ask me a question.  Then she comes up with something really profound that she’s been thinking about lately and we discuss for long periods of time.  I call these questions “pillow talk questions” because I believe they originated when we shared a room and would talk while falling asleep. But the questions are not limited to the bedroom.  Car rides, phone calls and skype dates have provided additional avenues for these discussions.

Interesting facts: Alyssa has a reality TV obsession.  It’s ironic because she is counter-cultural in every other area of her life.  She has spent her life (as long as I’ve known her) advocating for AIDS research and funding, children who need sponsors, environmental something-or-other and recently has moved to Ethiopia to work for the peace corps for two years.  However, if you want to know what’s up with the Kardashians, she’s the one to ask.

 

 Name: Allison Simmons

 

How we met: Mrs. Smith’s 3^rd grade class

Notable friendship moments:Oh wow- I’m not even sure where to start.  We’ve gone from birth, to sharing smelly markers, to having a sweet 16 party together to being full-fledged grown-up friends. 

Interesting facts: Allison and I were born on the same day in the same hospital. We were likely just a few feet away from each other in our incubators, but didn’t meet til 8 years later.

Allison is probably the most honest person I know. If you want an actual answer to the “does this dress make me look fat?” or “Does my hair look bad” kind of questions, she’s your girl.

 Name: Alyssa Simmons

 

How we met: Random roommates at Lee University- both of our off-campus housing plans fell through last minute and we were placed in the same on-campus apartment junior year. It makes me so happy this happened, because if both of our original housing plans had gone through, we probably wouldn’t be friends today.

Notable friendship moments: Alyssa and I frequently enjoyed dressing from one another’s sides of the closet. Her wardrobe is more “hipster” if you will, and mine is a more on the preppy side.  We would switch clothing identities from time to time.  Also, in the months leading up to graduation Alyssa and I would have frequent meltdowns about life after graduation.  Luckily these were never on the same day, so we could each always rely on the other to cheer us up.

Interesting facts: Alyssa sings and plays guitar and once made up a silly song about all our college friends that made me cry. 

Alyssa is the most easy-going person in the entire world.  I’ve never seem her legitimately mad, or even very annoyed for that matter.  She lets everything roll off her back and refuses to let any stress in life affect her mood.  On a daily basis I remind myself to be more like her.

So there they are!  Some of my most favorite people in my life!  If it were socially appropriate I probably wouldn've had 7or 8 more bridesmaids in the mix.  I'm really lucky to have so many wonderful friends in my life.

By the way, do you like how 60% of my bridal party has either the first name Alyssa or the last name Simmons? WEIRD! None of them are related.

AT ME

Quit Pointing Your Avocado at Me

I recently read this blog article and thought it was worth sharing.  Although it is written about parenting (which I can’t really relate to) I think the concept can apply to just about anyone. 

To summarize, the blog entry was written by a mom who tells the story of a trip to the mall food court.  She was eating a fast food lunch with her three children, when another mom sat down nearby.  The other mom began spoon-feeding her child an avocado.  The blog author couldn’t help but notice that the child eating the avocado was well-behaved and had perfectly braided hair while her kids were acting rowdy and looked a bit disheveled. Additionally, she felt like the other mom was judging her for feeding her kids fast food rather than nutritious produce.  

She very honestly (and humorously) confessed that she felt like the other mom was trying to prove a point, like she intentionally sat down near them so that she could make a show of being a superior mom. The following is a quote from her blog entry:

“I am telling you that I decided right then and there that this mother was feeding her child avocados AT ME. And that also she had matched her child’s clothes that morning AT ME. And also that she had likely disciplined her child effectively for years AT ME. And that as icing on her (likely homemade and gluten-free) cake she was enjoying a lovely, peaceful, well-planned, healthy lunch AT ME. I felt judged. I felt like her approach to parenting was maybe developed solely to shine a big old spotlight on my “not good enough” parenting.  She was parenting AT ME, I tell you!”

She went on to write about how she had to come to the realization that no one was intentionally doing anything AT HER, and that everyone was simply doing the best they could and living out what they believed was the right and the best thing for them and their children. 

"Other mamas are just weaving together families using the unique gifts and challenges and interests they have. Just like I am. They are much too joyful and scared and fulfilled and empty and tired and inspired and busy living their lives to concern themselves too much with what I’m doing."

I think what I found most interesting was reading the comment section after the article.  One woman who commented said that she identified with the Avocado mom.  She said that she doesn’t pack nutritious lunches because she wants to make a show- she does it because she can’t afford to buy lunch out.  And she doesn’t braid her daughter’s hair to look superior to anyone else, but she does it to make her daughter look nice, despite the fact that she is wearing hand-me-downs.  

It really illustrated the fact that there are two sides to every story and that people aren’t always making life choices for the reasons that you assume they are.

Like I said, I don’t personally relate to the parenting example, but I can think of things that I have felt like people are doing AT ME.  Reading this article and thinking about it for the past couple days have really made me evaluate my perspective.   It has shown me that...

No one is running a marathon AT ME.

No one is having a wildly successful career AT ME.

No one is going on awesome vacations AT ME.

No one has a perfect wardrobe AT ME.

No one is getting their MBA AT ME.

No one is Instagramming AT ME.

Although it's embarassing to admit, the list could go on.  

It’s a lot easier to assume the best of people rather than imagine that they have somehow have an agenda to point out my flaws or shortcomings.  I'm grateful that this article served as a reminder to curb my thoughts and assumptions and start realizng the people really do have good intentinons.  I want others to be inclined to think the best of my intentions, but I can't expect anyone to do that until I start assuming the best of them.

Thoughts on Engagement

I’m getting married in just over three months.  Engagement is a really interesting time in life.  Right now I don’t feel like I’m one of the single girls, but I’m also not yet one of the married girls either.  I think engagement is a really good and necessary time to get excited about your wedding and future with your fiancé, but also to wrap your mind around the changes that are about to take place in your life.  I remember feeling similar to this the summer between high school and college.  I was really excited about the new things ahead, but sad to leave behind a life I really loved.

I think that most engaged people have a really easy time expressing excitement about getting married.  I love talking about my wedding and future plans with Brian.  But on the flip side there are some aspects of getting married that are bittersweet. 

For instance, the other day Brian printed off all the legal paperwork we have to complete for a marriage license and for me to change my name.  I felt a pang of sadness about abandoning my last name. My name is a huge part of my identity and it feels a bit odd to abruptly change it.

However, the good part about changing my name is that it meets all the criteria of what I’ve always wanted in a last name: Easy to spell, easy to pronounce, and at the beginning of the alphabet.  I suppose I can’t get too sad about dropping my current last name which fits none of those criteria. 

Another thing that makes me a bit sad is leaving my apartment.  I love my place and I thoroughly enjoy having it all to myself. I feel like it’s my sanctuary at the end of a long day and my place of rest on the weekends.  It’s my only apartment that has ever been all my own and I feel like it symbolizes the phase in my life where I became an independent, post-college adult.

But, I have to remember that I’m giving it up to make a home with Brian.  I’m really excited to become a homeowner (by marriage- the best and easiest way in my opinion!).  I know that it will become a place of rest and peace for me as time goes on.  It’s currently a bit of a bachelor pad, but I think with a little TLC it will feel like home to me in no time.  Plus I’ll get to have sleepovers with my best friend every night!  And on a practical note, I can stop throwing 40% of my groceries away each week because they spoil before I can eat them.  Shopping and cooking for one is lame!

Something I’ve already experienced over the past year that will only intensify with marriage is splitting holidays and events between families. Brian’s family lives 4 hours away, so we pretty much have to pick one family or the other to spend a given holiday with.  This is challenging for me because I’m very attached to my family and our traditions.  It makes me a little sad to know that I will inevitably have to miss some holiday traditions I’ve participated in my whole life.

I know there will be new traditions and in time I’ll get closer to Brian’s family, but right now it’s just not the same.  But, I know Brian’s traditions and family gatherings are just as important to him as mine are to me, so it’s worth it because I can see him happy. 

I’m SO excited to be Brian’s wife, and I wouldn’t choose to stay where I am forever.  But I think it’s ok to take some time to reflect and be honest about my feelings.  Like I said, I think this is what engagement is for… it just takes a little time to process things.