My Bridesmaids!

Since I’m getting married three months from today and am having trouble containing my excitement at the moment, I thought I’d take an opportunity to introduce you to my bridesmaids.                

 Name: Savannah Wesley- Matron of honor

How we met: Our sorority in college

Notable friendship moments: Savannah and I didn’t hit it off right away, but our friendship solidified when we were both caught drinking underage on campus our junior year of college.  We had to complete 25 community services hours.  Being irresponsible together and paying the consequences is a sure fire way to form an inseparable bond!

Don’t let that first example give you the wrong impression though!  Savannah is one of the most mature and responsible people that I know.  She’s been one of the biggest sources of spiritual encouragement in my life and I wouldn’t have made it through the ups and downs of college (and post college) without her.  I had the opportunity to be her maid of honor a year ago, and I’m so excited that she will be standing up with me on my wedding day.

Interesting Facts: Savannah loves cows and things that are purple.  She recently had the most adorable baby boy named Jeremiah.

 Name: Whitney Perry

How we met: 6^th Grade at CCS

Notable friendship moments:  We have so many!  My favorites would include being mistaken for each other for half our lives (we’re pictured above dressed as the Olsen twins for Halloween one year), naming all the appliances in our freshman dorm room, and thousands of  inside jokes and random quirks(ie: Whitney has a special dance she made up that she performs whenever we eat pizza- it’s a must-see).  Also, Whitney and I got engaged the same night as I did- completely unplanned but kind of cool and ironic since we’ve been (as we say) “the same person” all our lives.

Interesting facts: Whitney prefers three-pronged forks to the standard four-prong.

Whitney is quite possibly the most reliable person I know.  If she says she’s going to be somewhere or do something you can count on her to get it done and go above and beyond. 

 Name: Alyssa Shumaker

 

How we met: Our sorority in college

Notable friendship moments: Alyssa and I lived together for a while in college and since we are both from Ohio, we have shared many long drives from Ohio to Tennessee.  Alyssa and I do this thing where I ask her to ask me a question.  Then she comes up with something really profound that she’s been thinking about lately and we discuss for long periods of time.  I call these questions “pillow talk questions” because I believe they originated when we shared a room and would talk while falling asleep. But the questions are not limited to the bedroom.  Car rides, phone calls and skype dates have provided additional avenues for these discussions.

Interesting facts: Alyssa has a reality TV obsession.  It’s ironic because she is counter-cultural in every other area of her life.  She has spent her life (as long as I’ve known her) advocating for AIDS research and funding, children who need sponsors, environmental something-or-other and recently has moved to Ethiopia to work for the peace corps for two years.  However, if you want to know what’s up with the Kardashians, she’s the one to ask.

 

 Name: Allison Simmons

 

How we met: Mrs. Smith’s 3^rd grade class

Notable friendship moments:Oh wow- I’m not even sure where to start.  We’ve gone from birth, to sharing smelly markers, to having a sweet 16 party together to being full-fledged grown-up friends. 

Interesting facts: Allison and I were born on the same day in the same hospital. We were likely just a few feet away from each other in our incubators, but didn’t meet til 8 years later.

Allison is probably the most honest person I know. If you want an actual answer to the “does this dress make me look fat?” or “Does my hair look bad” kind of questions, she’s your girl.

 Name: Alyssa Simmons

 

How we met: Random roommates at Lee University- both of our off-campus housing plans fell through last minute and we were placed in the same on-campus apartment junior year. It makes me so happy this happened, because if both of our original housing plans had gone through, we probably wouldn’t be friends today.

Notable friendship moments: Alyssa and I frequently enjoyed dressing from one another’s sides of the closet. Her wardrobe is more “hipster” if you will, and mine is a more on the preppy side.  We would switch clothing identities from time to time.  Also, in the months leading up to graduation Alyssa and I would have frequent meltdowns about life after graduation.  Luckily these were never on the same day, so we could each always rely on the other to cheer us up.

Interesting facts: Alyssa sings and plays guitar and once made up a silly song about all our college friends that made me cry. 

Alyssa is the most easy-going person in the entire world.  I’ve never seem her legitimately mad, or even very annoyed for that matter.  She lets everything roll off her back and refuses to let any stress in life affect her mood.  On a daily basis I remind myself to be more like her.

So there they are!  Some of my most favorite people in my life!  If it were socially appropriate I probably wouldn've had 7or 8 more bridesmaids in the mix.  I'm really lucky to have so many wonderful friends in my life.

By the way, do you like how 60% of my bridal party has either the first name Alyssa or the last name Simmons? WEIRD! None of them are related.

AT ME

Quit Pointing Your Avocado at Me

I recently read this blog article and thought it was worth sharing.  Although it is written about parenting (which I can’t really relate to) I think the concept can apply to just about anyone. 

To summarize, the blog entry was written by a mom who tells the story of a trip to the mall food court.  She was eating a fast food lunch with her three children, when another mom sat down nearby.  The other mom began spoon-feeding her child an avocado.  The blog author couldn’t help but notice that the child eating the avocado was well-behaved and had perfectly braided hair while her kids were acting rowdy and looked a bit disheveled. Additionally, she felt like the other mom was judging her for feeding her kids fast food rather than nutritious produce.  

She very honestly (and humorously) confessed that she felt like the other mom was trying to prove a point, like she intentionally sat down near them so that she could make a show of being a superior mom. The following is a quote from her blog entry:

“I am telling you that I decided right then and there that this mother was feeding her child avocados AT ME. And that also she had matched her child’s clothes that morning AT ME. And also that she had likely disciplined her child effectively for years AT ME. And that as icing on her (likely homemade and gluten-free) cake she was enjoying a lovely, peaceful, well-planned, healthy lunch AT ME. I felt judged. I felt like her approach to parenting was maybe developed solely to shine a big old spotlight on my “not good enough” parenting.  She was parenting AT ME, I tell you!”

She went on to write about how she had to come to the realization that no one was intentionally doing anything AT HER, and that everyone was simply doing the best they could and living out what they believed was the right and the best thing for them and their children. 

"Other mamas are just weaving together families using the unique gifts and challenges and interests they have. Just like I am. They are much too joyful and scared and fulfilled and empty and tired and inspired and busy living their lives to concern themselves too much with what I’m doing."

I think what I found most interesting was reading the comment section after the article.  One woman who commented said that she identified with the Avocado mom.  She said that she doesn’t pack nutritious lunches because she wants to make a show- she does it because she can’t afford to buy lunch out.  And she doesn’t braid her daughter’s hair to look superior to anyone else, but she does it to make her daughter look nice, despite the fact that she is wearing hand-me-downs.  

It really illustrated the fact that there are two sides to every story and that people aren’t always making life choices for the reasons that you assume they are.

Like I said, I don’t personally relate to the parenting example, but I can think of things that I have felt like people are doing AT ME.  Reading this article and thinking about it for the past couple days have really made me evaluate my perspective.   It has shown me that...

No one is running a marathon AT ME.

No one is having a wildly successful career AT ME.

No one is going on awesome vacations AT ME.

No one has a perfect wardrobe AT ME.

No one is getting their MBA AT ME.

No one is Instagramming AT ME.

Although it's embarassing to admit, the list could go on.  

It’s a lot easier to assume the best of people rather than imagine that they have somehow have an agenda to point out my flaws or shortcomings.  I'm grateful that this article served as a reminder to curb my thoughts and assumptions and start realizng the people really do have good intentinons.  I want others to be inclined to think the best of my intentions, but I can't expect anyone to do that until I start assuming the best of them.

Thoughts on Engagement

I’m getting married in just over three months.  Engagement is a really interesting time in life.  Right now I don’t feel like I’m one of the single girls, but I’m also not yet one of the married girls either.  I think engagement is a really good and necessary time to get excited about your wedding and future with your fiancé, but also to wrap your mind around the changes that are about to take place in your life.  I remember feeling similar to this the summer between high school and college.  I was really excited about the new things ahead, but sad to leave behind a life I really loved.

I think that most engaged people have a really easy time expressing excitement about getting married.  I love talking about my wedding and future plans with Brian.  But on the flip side there are some aspects of getting married that are bittersweet. 

For instance, the other day Brian printed off all the legal paperwork we have to complete for a marriage license and for me to change my name.  I felt a pang of sadness about abandoning my last name. My name is a huge part of my identity and it feels a bit odd to abruptly change it.

However, the good part about changing my name is that it meets all the criteria of what I’ve always wanted in a last name: Easy to spell, easy to pronounce, and at the beginning of the alphabet.  I suppose I can’t get too sad about dropping my current last name which fits none of those criteria. 

Another thing that makes me a bit sad is leaving my apartment.  I love my place and I thoroughly enjoy having it all to myself. I feel like it’s my sanctuary at the end of a long day and my place of rest on the weekends.  It’s my only apartment that has ever been all my own and I feel like it symbolizes the phase in my life where I became an independent, post-college adult.

But, I have to remember that I’m giving it up to make a home with Brian.  I’m really excited to become a homeowner (by marriage- the best and easiest way in my opinion!).  I know that it will become a place of rest and peace for me as time goes on.  It’s currently a bit of a bachelor pad, but I think with a little TLC it will feel like home to me in no time.  Plus I’ll get to have sleepovers with my best friend every night!  And on a practical note, I can stop throwing 40% of my groceries away each week because they spoil before I can eat them.  Shopping and cooking for one is lame!

Something I’ve already experienced over the past year that will only intensify with marriage is splitting holidays and events between families. Brian’s family lives 4 hours away, so we pretty much have to pick one family or the other to spend a given holiday with.  This is challenging for me because I’m very attached to my family and our traditions.  It makes me a little sad to know that I will inevitably have to miss some holiday traditions I’ve participated in my whole life.

I know there will be new traditions and in time I’ll get closer to Brian’s family, but right now it’s just not the same.  But, I know Brian’s traditions and family gatherings are just as important to him as mine are to me, so it’s worth it because I can see him happy. 

I’m SO excited to be Brian’s wife, and I wouldn’t choose to stay where I am forever.  But I think it’s ok to take some time to reflect and be honest about my feelings.  Like I said, I think this is what engagement is for… it just takes a little time to process things.

The Introvert

According to the Myers Briggs test, I am an introvert.  I used to think that being introverted was synonymous with being shy, boring and self-conscious.  However, over time I’ve gained a better understanding of what being an introvert really means.  I saw this quote on Pinterest and I think it hit the nail on the head.

 

I recently listed to this TED Talk (I love TED Talks!) about the power of introverts.  It’s kind of long, but it’s entertaining.  I think my favorite part is when she shares the quote that says “We have historically favored the man of action over the man of contemplation”

 

She goes on to say that in groups, we typically agree with the ideas of the person who is the loudest or most vocal.  This is something that has consistently bothered me.  I think the introverts in the workplace and in other groups have really great ideas.  I just don’t think they’re prone to jump in and express them as loudly.  Just because an idea is the loudest, does not mean it is the best.

Don’t get me wrong.  Even as an introvert, I love being social and I love sharing my thoughts and ideas.  I just have a limited capacity for that.  For instance I can spend hours and hours on end with friends and family- we could stay in and chat, we could do out and find something fun to do, we could travel to new places and try new things.  All of these things energize me and leave me feeling really happy and full. 

However, my least favorite social situation is approaching a group of people who all know each other except for me.  I despise this!  Will I do it if I need to? Yes.  I just have to give myself a pep talk that goes a little something like this: “Ok Kristen, time to put your A game on.  This will only last for a few hours, in the grand scheme of life, a few hours is nothing; you can do ANYTHING for a few hours. Ok?  OK!”

I occasionally travel for work and when I do, it consists of several days of small talk with people I don’t know well.  This typically involves meetings all day and “optional” (but really not so optional) social events in the evening. This is an extrovert’s field day, but kind of intimidating for an introvert.  I really have to turn my A game on for those weeks. Nothing makes me feel better during these trips than calling Brian at the end of the day, so I can completely let my guard down and just engage in easy conversation. 

I prefer to spend my social energies on people I’m closest with.  I very much enjoy conversations where I can connect with people.  I could see someone every day and engage in normal day-to-day chit-chat, but still not feel very close to that person.  I have to feel like we’ve connected on a deeper level to really value someone’s place in my life.