AT ME

Quit Pointing Your Avocado at Me

I recently read this blog article and thought it was worth sharing.  Although it is written about parenting (which I can’t really relate to) I think the concept can apply to just about anyone. 

To summarize, the blog entry was written by a mom who tells the story of a trip to the mall food court.  She was eating a fast food lunch with her three children, when another mom sat down nearby.  The other mom began spoon-feeding her child an avocado.  The blog author couldn’t help but notice that the child eating the avocado was well-behaved and had perfectly braided hair while her kids were acting rowdy and looked a bit disheveled. Additionally, she felt like the other mom was judging her for feeding her kids fast food rather than nutritious produce.  

She very honestly (and humorously) confessed that she felt like the other mom was trying to prove a point, like she intentionally sat down near them so that she could make a show of being a superior mom. The following is a quote from her blog entry:

“I am telling you that I decided right then and there that this mother was feeding her child avocados AT ME. And that also she had matched her child’s clothes that morning AT ME. And also that she had likely disciplined her child effectively for years AT ME. And that as icing on her (likely homemade and gluten-free) cake she was enjoying a lovely, peaceful, well-planned, healthy lunch AT ME. I felt judged. I felt like her approach to parenting was maybe developed solely to shine a big old spotlight on my “not good enough” parenting.  She was parenting AT ME, I tell you!”

She went on to write about how she had to come to the realization that no one was intentionally doing anything AT HER, and that everyone was simply doing the best they could and living out what they believed was the right and the best thing for them and their children. 

"Other mamas are just weaving together families using the unique gifts and challenges and interests they have. Just like I am. They are much too joyful and scared and fulfilled and empty and tired and inspired and busy living their lives to concern themselves too much with what I’m doing."

I think what I found most interesting was reading the comment section after the article.  One woman who commented said that she identified with the Avocado mom.  She said that she doesn’t pack nutritious lunches because she wants to make a show- she does it because she can’t afford to buy lunch out.  And she doesn’t braid her daughter’s hair to look superior to anyone else, but she does it to make her daughter look nice, despite the fact that she is wearing hand-me-downs.  

It really illustrated the fact that there are two sides to every story and that people aren’t always making life choices for the reasons that you assume they are.

Like I said, I don’t personally relate to the parenting example, but I can think of things that I have felt like people are doing AT ME.  Reading this article and thinking about it for the past couple days have really made me evaluate my perspective.   It has shown me that...

No one is running a marathon AT ME.

No one is having a wildly successful career AT ME.

No one is going on awesome vacations AT ME.

No one has a perfect wardrobe AT ME.

No one is getting their MBA AT ME.

No one is Instagramming AT ME.

Although it's embarassing to admit, the list could go on.  

It’s a lot easier to assume the best of people rather than imagine that they have somehow have an agenda to point out my flaws or shortcomings.  I'm grateful that this article served as a reminder to curb my thoughts and assumptions and start realizng the people really do have good intentinons.  I want others to be inclined to think the best of my intentions, but I can't expect anyone to do that until I start assuming the best of them.