Thoughts on Engagement

I’m getting married in just over three months.  Engagement is a really interesting time in life.  Right now I don’t feel like I’m one of the single girls, but I’m also not yet one of the married girls either.  I think engagement is a really good and necessary time to get excited about your wedding and future with your fiancé, but also to wrap your mind around the changes that are about to take place in your life.  I remember feeling similar to this the summer between high school and college.  I was really excited about the new things ahead, but sad to leave behind a life I really loved.

I think that most engaged people have a really easy time expressing excitement about getting married.  I love talking about my wedding and future plans with Brian.  But on the flip side there are some aspects of getting married that are bittersweet. 

For instance, the other day Brian printed off all the legal paperwork we have to complete for a marriage license and for me to change my name.  I felt a pang of sadness about abandoning my last name. My name is a huge part of my identity and it feels a bit odd to abruptly change it.

However, the good part about changing my name is that it meets all the criteria of what I’ve always wanted in a last name: Easy to spell, easy to pronounce, and at the beginning of the alphabet.  I suppose I can’t get too sad about dropping my current last name which fits none of those criteria. 

Another thing that makes me a bit sad is leaving my apartment.  I love my place and I thoroughly enjoy having it all to myself. I feel like it’s my sanctuary at the end of a long day and my place of rest on the weekends.  It’s my only apartment that has ever been all my own and I feel like it symbolizes the phase in my life where I became an independent, post-college adult.

But, I have to remember that I’m giving it up to make a home with Brian.  I’m really excited to become a homeowner (by marriage- the best and easiest way in my opinion!).  I know that it will become a place of rest and peace for me as time goes on.  It’s currently a bit of a bachelor pad, but I think with a little TLC it will feel like home to me in no time.  Plus I’ll get to have sleepovers with my best friend every night!  And on a practical note, I can stop throwing 40% of my groceries away each week because they spoil before I can eat them.  Shopping and cooking for one is lame!

Something I’ve already experienced over the past year that will only intensify with marriage is splitting holidays and events between families. Brian’s family lives 4 hours away, so we pretty much have to pick one family or the other to spend a given holiday with.  This is challenging for me because I’m very attached to my family and our traditions.  It makes me a little sad to know that I will inevitably have to miss some holiday traditions I’ve participated in my whole life.

I know there will be new traditions and in time I’ll get closer to Brian’s family, but right now it’s just not the same.  But, I know Brian’s traditions and family gatherings are just as important to him as mine are to me, so it’s worth it because I can see him happy. 

I’m SO excited to be Brian’s wife, and I wouldn’t choose to stay where I am forever.  But I think it’s ok to take some time to reflect and be honest about my feelings.  Like I said, I think this is what engagement is for… it just takes a little time to process things.